All or Nothing Thinking: The Limited World of Black and White
All or nothing thinking (also known as black and white thinking) is a cognitive distortion that causes a person to see something as all good or all bad, with no in-between. This is is one of the most common cognitive distortions, and also one of the most damaging.
Examples of all or nothing thinking
When we give up on a goal, all or nothing thinking is one of the more typical explanations as to why. So what is all or nothing thinking? Here are some examples of this cognitive distortion in action:
- Kate hits a wrong note during a solo, and has an overwhelming urge to stop playing and start over again (“the song is ruined!”). If every note isn’t right, then the whole thing is wrong.
- Joe splurges on a second bowl of ice cream after promising he’d stop at one, and then tells himself, “Well, I already broke that promise, so I may as well eat the whole carton!”
- Alex plans to turn off the tv and go to bed at 10pm, and then notice it’s 10:15pm and says, “Well, it’s too late to get a good night’s sleep now, so I may as well finish this season . . . “
The common thread in all of these examples is that if things don’t go exactly as planned, we abandon the plan altogether. In other words, we tell ourselves, “Either all of it is right, or none of it is right.” It’s black and white — all or nothing.
We decide, after making a mistake, that it would be better not to waste any more time on a goal that is now seemingly tainted with failure. It’s much better, we tell ourselves, to wipe the slate clean, and start over again from scratch . . . later, of course!
All or nothing thinking robs us of the opportunity to overcome challenges.
All or nothing thinking and addictions
While the examples above are unhealthy and potentially damaging, they are relatively mild compared to the dangers of all or nothing thinking at its worst.
Imagine the ‘ice cream’ example above, but replace ice cream with drugs or alcohol. Relapse can be so disappointing that one slip up can mean a quick tumble back into regular use if you attach too much significance to that one mistake. It can feel like all of your hard-earned progress has been wiped out.
In my practice as a therapist, as well as a body of research, all or nothing thinking is one of the most frequent causes of full relapse into old habits. It is crucial that anyone working to stay clean familiarize him or herself with the monster that is all or nothing thinking.
Overcoming all or nothing thinking
Perfectionism is bad for mental health. The reality is that making it through a music recital while making a mistake — or even a few mistakes — is better than not making it through at all. Eating one bowl of ice cream is better than eating the whole carton. Going to bed 15 minutes late is so much better than staying up for a few extra hours. Above all, one relapse is nothing compared to a full backslide into regular drug or alcohol use.
The key to overcoming all or nothing thinking is to work toward the acceptance of imperfection.
When we cannot tolerate setbacks large or small, we greatly diminish our ability to persevere through difficult times. Because we are by nature imperfect, we cannot expect perfect results. Therefore, when we set a goal the best we can hope for is a generally upward trajectory despite intermittent failings.
Here’s a visual example of how a typical, realistic progression toward a goal may look when mapped out on a line graph.
On this crude graph, progress represented by upward movement, and time duration is represented by leftward movement.
We see a jagged line, with moments of progress broken up by moments of regression. Overall, this graph represents a positive outcome with a few rocky moments that break up the momentum. If we had fallen victim to all or nothing thinking, we would have been likely to give up at the first regression, and our line of progression would then have dropped to zero right there at Week 4. This is the cost of all or nothing thinking.
By taking a longer view — one in which we anticipate short-term setbacks — we can see mistakes for what they are, or, what they can be: minor and predictable bumps on the road to success.
The color lies in the middle
Black and white lie on opposite sides of the color spectrum. This means that every vibrant color lies between the two. When we engage in all or nothing and black and white thinking, we blind ourselves to life’s color.
Keep this in mind while you are working on your goals.
If, for example, you’ve had a setback today for the first time in a month, you could look at this setback as evidence that all is lost. Or, you could also take a look at the big-picture trajectory and ask: hasn’t the past month been much better than the one before? One setback per month/year/decade is so much better so much better than a daily or near-daily setback. If you can string together another setback-free month after this one, then your progress is doubly impressive.
So use your setback as a learning opportunity — reflect on what triggered you, and how can you avoid that in the future.
This model applies to whatever goal you are working on. If you’ve missed one note in your music recital, eaten that second bowl of ice cream, or watched a little more tv than you intended to, you can swiftly recover so long as you don’t succumb to all or nothing thinking.
We all make mistakes. It’s a part of life. But don’t let one mistake lead to a bigger one. You may slip, but as long as your slip doesn’t lead to a face-forward tumble back down to the bottom, you are making progress. All or nothing, black and white thinking gets in the way of progress.
Photo credits:
- I.am_Nah on Unsplash
- Mr.Sulaiman on Unsplash
